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- In the beginning . . .
- Torn Between Two Lovers
- Who I Am Becoming – A Young Woman’s Story of Spiritual Awakening
- When the Student Is Ready the Teacher Appears, Really
- The Empyrean Experiment in Hawaii
- Catching the Empyrean Vision
- Our Love Affair with Wisdom
- A Spiritual Pilgrimage
- Our Great Undoing
- Cupid Lives at Our House
- The Way of Community
- Surfing the Waves of Change
- How Much Transformation Can You Squeeze Through a Phone Line?
Warning!!!
We are ordinary people with a passion for solving relationship difficulties. We are curious people who have done our best to live full out and to help others along the way.
We reserve the right to be “imperfect” according to others’ standards, so that we may continue our personal exploration of the Great Mystery.
We have discussed with one another the merits of revealing the next part of our development as people and as teachers. It feels a little risky because it is deeply private. But, we think if you want to know us, it’s an important piece.
Our hope is that it may somehow be helpful for you as you travel your own road toward being all that you want to be. If you have followed this series to this point, we imagine that you are kindred spirits on a similar and yet unique path of discovery.
Facing the Mountain of the Great Unknown
Personal development, spiritual growth, conscious evolution – or whatever name you choose to call it, is not easy. It is demanding, serious work.
The very process of transformation is disquieting. Being undone and remade at a higher level of awareness is disorienting. It’s usually laden with self doubt and an uneasiness that can seem to last entirely too long. We have laughingly come to call this experience “the green slime stage.”
The caterpillar transforming into a butterfly has become a widely accepted metaphor for the human transformational journey. Most people focus on the beauty of the butterfly emerging from the cocoon and fluttering majestically into the breeze.
Little is said about what is happening inside the chrysalis as all the cells of the caterpillar are reorganizing themselves into a new body. If you open that cocoon too soon what you will see is neither a caterpillar nor a butterfly – it’s a bunch of green slime. And when we were undergoing our evolutionary process, that’s pretty much how we felt. Slimy and green – YUCK!
Our life as we had known it was being systematically dismantled. No one had told us about this part.
Empyrean began to unravel and the whole split into parts. The centers disaffiliated and became independent organizations. Our vision was crumbling and we didn’t know why and we couldn’t stop it. In many ways it was like watching a beloved child dying.
Something you may not know about us is that we had been serious students of esoteric spirituality since 1976 – and we still are. The metaphysical teachings we studied were gleaned from the esoteric teaching of Christianity, Buddhism and Sufism.
We may also have had a little genetics going for us, too.
Layne’s father was gifted with powerful healing and psychic abilities. Paul’s father had advanced through the Masonic Order, and later studied privately under an Archbishop for the Episcopal priesthood, becoming a Biblical scholar in the process, and then emerging later as a mystically oriented spiritual teacher.
So, both of us had an ingrained inclination for deeper truths and pushing the envelope of consciousness.
Confronting the limits of our expanding consciousness was startling. We were victims of a “New Age” social mythology; a mindset that said we could intentionally create our own reality, through the power of prayer, visualization and affirmation.
We could build wealth, spiritual power and all the goodies we could conceive of. The unspoken promise was that we would be invincible and in control.
These ideas had served us well on the early legs of our journey, but a greater truth was waiting in the unseen mists ahead.
We learned that in this three dimensional realm of time and space, conscious thought is creative – BUT, it doesn’t create absolutely. Absolute thought creates. Absolute thought issues from the ten dimensional Being that is our soul.
Learning the deeper workings of the co-creative relationship between our soul and our conscious mind was significant for us, especially as teachers of radical personal responsibility. Knowing the limits of what you can take responsibility for seems important to know.
It is more true to say, we as individuals have the power of consciousness to influence our reality and to interpret events. We also have the power to create the quality of our relationships and a variety of wonderful experiences, from businesses to communities. But, we do not create in a void.
We alone are not the cause of every event in our life. No matter how pure our consciousness, our conscious mind would never (and should never) be running the whole show. There is an Unseen Intelligence behind many of the events of our life and the world. None of us are the puppet masters of the Creative Intelligence of the universe.
At this point, we believe that after we have learned to observe the power of our consciousness to create, we then get to learn to co-create with a higher power than ourselves. Now, we thought that’s what we were doing all along, but what we painfully discovered was there is a whole lot more to it than we ever imagined.
We live in an evolving universe. No matter where we are on the evolutionary spiral there is an infinite stretch of knowledge and understanding before all of us. That means no matter how much we think we know about the Great Mystery, we always only know a part. There is a kernel of truth inside all of the sacred myths of our world cultures. But none of them could possibly tell the whole story.
Outgrowing the sacred myths we live in is painful for any of us. Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”
Our prayers for spiritual wisdom were working, but not in the way we had imagined they would.
We needed to confront the big gap between our spiritual ideals and our true capacities and it hurt. We had become arrogant without even noticing we had. Arrogance doesn’t feel arrogant – it just feels right.
We imagined we knew the whole Truth with a capital “T”. Yet, Spirit was determined to show us our limitations, so we could grow beyond them. Ouch! Triple big OUCH!!!
In hindsight, it makes perfect sense that if we pray for wisdom, it is inevitable that we will outgrow our current understandings. But, what we were finding out was that the “ultimate truths” we had believed in, taught and had worked so well for us, up until now, were flawed. And it brought us to our knees.
We tried to look with new eyes at ideas and beliefs we had taken for granted. We had to find a way to sort out the valuable from the valueless and the partial truths from the greater truths.
We withdrew from public life to take stock of our spiritual life. Paul got a job with an international corporation and Layne stayed at home and saw a few occasional clients. We yielded to our “undoing” and quietly entered our metaphorical chrysalis.
Would our relationship survive or would it be part of what was lost in our undoing? We really didn’t know. We couldn’t know. We knew we still loved one another, but we were visionaries without vision and nothing was for certain anymore.
Your comments, thoughts, feelings and questions about anything we share here is important to us. Just click on the Comments link to the top right of this post to participate. We have very much appreciated all the comments many of you have been kind enough to share in previous posts.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 am
oooohhhh ooooohhhhh ohhhh OUCH! yes, this was so painful and confusing… i had almost forgotten this phase. Of course.. so much came undone.. and so much grew out of it!!… don’t worry.. i won’t give away any surprises.
I love you in all of your phases… including the ones yet to come!
xoxoxo ardyth
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:41 am
I don’t know why you felt that this information was particularly hard to share. Times of transformation never go as the human mind thinks or imagines they should and whatever label people attach to them, there is nothing to be ashamed of or weary about. Life’s gorgeous picture is made of all colors.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:52 am
” … after we have learned to observe the power of our consciousness to create, we then get to learn to co-create with a higher power than ourselves. ”
SH: This profound realization resonated so very strongly for me.
“Our prayers for spiritual wisdom were working, but not in the way we had imagined they would.”
SH: Sounds like you bumped right up against a kind of Universal Law that says when you set out towards a goal, “everything but” shows up. I can really relate to this one.
My deepest gratitude for your courage and candor in sharing something so intimate as this journey. I look forward following it closely with great interest and compassion.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 am
Yes, be careful of what you ask for,
we think we have understood but lessons are always coming along to steer us on the true path.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 2:52 am
Thank you for being leaders and teachers who are sharing honestly the whole spectrum of what happens on this kind of life journey – it is sooooooo incredibly helpful to read about all the experiences – challenges, disintegrations, celebrations, being stuck, being vision-less, breakthroughs, evolving and unfolding – especially for any of us who have been through something similar or indeed may be in the middle of ‘the crysalis’ process right now. Do I have to wait a whole week to find out what happens next?!!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 am
Please keep this coming. Your honest dialog is refreshing and so appreciated.
I await more. Thank you! Thank you!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 6:13 am
thank you so much for sharing your experiences on all these levels.
being the first time on your blog and while reading, the bell of truth kept ringing and i found that me myself have to face similar insights and challenges
progressing, sharing and supporting each other, spreading the word and the love, are the most important tasks to do for me
blessings,
hw
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November 3rd, 2009 at 6:19 am
paul and layne………thank you beloveds for sharing. I could “feel” your story deep within my beingness. It was so helpful to read this as i have been experiencing “undoing” in my life………I certainly know the “green slime” stage…..”from the ashes we rise” but that DOESN”T tell the story of the fall and the rise as you are saying……..thank you for all of who you are. much love, melanie
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November 3rd, 2009 at 6:21 am
Thank you for sharing the truth about your experience. Your honesty is very refreshing to hear. I imagine that it feels even more uncomfortable to experience an undoing when you have been teaching others about growth for so long. From what I can tell, undoings are part of the cycle of life; there are layers after layers to shed.–inevitably. I like the discipline of yoga because this truth of the naturalness of undoings is incorporated into the discipline. Also, considering that we all die (the ultimate un-doing), it is probably good that you have come to this point with honesty and openness. The better to emerge stronger and more true to yourself than before and ready for the rest of life/death. I don’t know if you have any trees changing color and losing leaves where you live? I feel inspired seeing the trees lose their leaves and they still stand just where they are. May the the same process that guided you to this change and guided you to tell the truth continue to be with you. Love and best wishes on you journey and thank you.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 am
“For everything there is a season” – including a time to pluck up what has been planted.
Thank you for sharing.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 7:37 am
Green and slimy here too, but seeing the light over the horizon….
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November 3rd, 2009 at 8:26 am
yes the “green slime” now just part of my story and yet the “greatest gift” for once the gift is acknowledged and received the blessings of being human are very delightful and joyful!
Embrace the Green Slime
Big Hugs
Jill
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November 3rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Paul and Layne – you are both quite the ordinary but extraordinary people and it is wonderful to hear you say that nothing happens in a void as we are social beings and developing a critical consciousness is the crux of the matter. Thank you for sharing.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 9:57 am
very interesting!! yes, i have followed, with great interest, your series, your trials, your tribulations and your successes, WOW!!! it’s a movie, it’s a book, it’s a short story–IT’S LIFE, and i love it and I LOVE YOU BOTH for telling your story–your TRUTH is powerful–your FORGIVENESS and willingness to understand and go on into your greater good–your LOVE is so healing and inspiring.
the series count is 9 of 9–this can’t be the end–please don’t leave us hanging here–i am sure you will bring us into the present, however it all turns out–holding you in loving energy and thoughts–al
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November 3rd, 2009 at 10:30 am
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate not only your honesty about your evolving beliefs (was this the phase that made Paul start identifying himself as a “fallibilist,” someone who strongly believes what he believes but holds open the possibility of being completely wrong?) but also the clear way you talked about co-creation. I get frustrated with the New Age tenet that all we have to do is think, act, and feel a certain way, and the Universe rains down all the goodies that we order up. It’s a view that gets a fair amount of people in trouble, I think. You’re generous to share your wisdom gained through both the flourishing times and the times marked by pain. Love you bunches!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
Thanks for the beautiful prose, Paul and Layne. It reminds me of Lao Tzu’s “Mystery upon mystery – The gateway of the manifold secrets.” How many gateways? Mystery upon mystery…
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November 3rd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
That’s probably the best encapsulation of co-creation I’ve ever read. I’m going to send everyone I know to read this.
What a relief it is, really, isn’t it, that we do NOT create it all?!? And isn’t it funny that, once we start a movement, like your group, we really expect it to go on indefinitely? Imagine, the Universe wants a say in what you do? Huh, how dare it!
More like, how dare we think we can keep something going without the group, ourselves and the world around us changing!
I so applaud your courage and tenacity–not just in writing and sharing all this, but in the actual living of it. You truly walk your talk and talk your walk. I love you both!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Amazing!!! Reading your story…Amazing that you can honestly express it – it’s very hard when everything you think you’ve put in place – including your psyche, spiritual stuff….suddenly shifts and you can’t control it – don’t really want to – but it’s, to say the least, confusing….and sometimes frightening. And then you realize – you aren’t doing this trip – something(!) is working thru you and you know because of past experience – that you can’t control what’s happening…and the stage of confusion is the green slime place. It’s NOT fun to keep your composure when all else seems to be taking you to a place that you thought you would never choose.
God Bless
Ronnie
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November 3rd, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Dear Paul and Layne,
Thank you so much for sharing deeply about your process and for the encouragement that the answer to asking deeply may be moving straight into the “green slime”. You all are a beautiful testament to the butterflies that can emerge and grace us all.
Warmly, Shirley
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November 3rd, 2009 at 3:19 pm
It’s called “the dark night of the sour” because it is SO emotionally felt as a suffocating pain; but, it is the entry way into the light of the sun. I wouldn’t wish the process on anyone but the result for everyone…
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November 3rd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
How refreshing to know spiritually evolved teachers who have the courage to admit that “creating” our life is not as simple as The Secret and most of the personal and spiritual growth teachings say it is. Of course, personal growth and spiritual growth are not the same thing, nor is expansion of Consciousness.
Seeing the implicit order and Divine perfection of creation, when the 3rd dimension is ruled by polarity and there is so much pain, requires a far deeper understanding of the Great Mystery, and much expansion of Consciousness. Not everyone wants to go there, nor is everyone required to. It depends on how we each, as Infinite Beings — part of the One Consciousness — “created” our human selves, before incarnating..
I’ve experienced several “dark nights of the soul”, and I believe I am on my way to another one. The good news is that they never kill you, and on the other side, the resulting expansion of Consciousness brings much joy.
Much love to both of you.
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November 4th, 2009 at 7:14 am
I’m not exactly sure what you said here? You had vision then you lost it?
Maybe I’m slow. I appreciate all you share, this one has just left me confused.
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November 4th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
It seems this is a universal process in the evolution of consciousness/awareness. I have carried a prayer for wisdom in my life and have had a lust for “knowing”; what I have recently been reminded of is that all the wisdom in the world, all the knowledge in the world, without Love, is nothing/ or a clanging symbol. I celebrate the Love that carries each of you and your relationship together and with those you work with.
Thank you for sharing your journey, for reminding us readers that no one is exempt from the humble “humbling” process that generates ‘waking up’; we are indeed all in the same soup and in it together, like it or not.
Namaste’
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November 4th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
‘Arrogance doesn’t feel arrogant – it just feels right.’ That touched me.
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November 5th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Yes, it is pretty interesting. From time to time I meet people who are very arrogant and they are completely blind to it. It seems to be a common blind spot.
I think it is one of the values of a heart centered community. When we have permission we can give each other valuable feedback that can help us to see the things aren’t able to see ourselves.
Though I think we would have to be pretty relationship savvy with the arrogance feedback because people can be very defensive about it.
Probably a question or a more oblique statement would be more effective
” I’ve been thinking about the challenge most people have with arrogance. Do you think arrogant people can notice they are arrogant?”
or/plus
“What are the symptoms of arrogance?”
or/plus
“How can we check to see if we have become arrogant without noticing it.”
There are probably dozens of ways to bring the subject up without any finger pointing. I imagine something like ” I think you are pretty arrogant. What do you think?” would create an affinity break ;-( … and generate a big blast of defensiveness.
A client who is overcoming self doubt asked me about it the other day, how he could avoid getting arrogant if he didn’t doubt himself anymore?
It was a very important question and we spent a bit of time discussing it.
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November 7th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Thank you so much for this post Paul and Layne.
It’s so completely supportive to me in my journey. I’m inspired to see how you’ve gone through this and not let it stop you. I look forward to reading the next installment in this beautiful sharing of your lives.
Warmest regards,
Rosemary
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November 7th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Debbie Ford has this quote in a recent newsletter and I read it right after posting my last comment. It seems completely appropriate for your experience I wanted to share it.
Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie.
- Carl Gustav Jung
Warmest regards,
Rosemary
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