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Top Ten Practices of Enlightened Relationships
Relationships are in many ways like real, seagoing ships. Just like a sailing vessel needs regular, constant care and upkeep, your relationships need regular care and upkeep. The crew of a sailing ship is knowledgeable in the standard practices of seamanship, which is absolutely required to maintain a ship’s seaworthiness. Unfortunately, most people are not knowledgeable in the standard practices of maintaining their relation-ships.
Yet, most people in relationships of any kind are usually focused on the goals of the relationship, whether building a life or a business or a community center. There is very little attention paid to the relation-ship itself. And often, somewhere along the voyage of life, the relation-ship is unable to withstand the inevitable and predictable storms of life that can damage both the individuals in the relationship and the relation-ship itself. Maintaining a strong, stable, satisfying relation-ship requires knowledge and skill – neither of which is commonly taught in our culture.
Enlightened relationships are distinguished both by the shared vision that guides the relationship as well as the standard practices of its partners. Enlightened relationships are created and maintained through specific standard practices. Unfortunately, these practices are uncommon in a popular culture gripped by fear and ignorance. But, through the commitment to learn and use these practices, the individuals and the relationship are elevated to new heights that uplift and evolve the soul.
Below we offer for your consideration the Top Ten Practices of Enlightened Relationships to help you in building and maintaining strong, durable and enlightened relationships.
- Write down the purpose and desired results for your relationship. A relationship without a stated purpose and intended results is like a ship setting sail without a chart or plotted course. The purpose should be stated in a way that lifts the spirit of all partners.
- Make choices grounded in love rather than fear. Become aware of your automatic reactions that are based in fear and look for the love choice instead. Ask yourself, what would love do or say in this situation?
- Mutually agree upon strategies for dealing with predictable break-downs, i.e., miscommunications, upsets or disagreements and use them when needed. It is important to have these strategies in place before the breakdowns occur. It is difficult, if not impossible, to create and implement them in the middle of a breakdown.
- Commit to win/win outcomes; don’t settle for anyone being the loser. For the relationship to win, all participants in the relationship need to win. If anyone in the relationship loses, the entire relationship loses. Keep asking questions that lead you to the win/win outcome.
- Practice “high performance” communication from the heart. People respond positively to the expression of heart-felt truth because it builds trust, even if they don’t agree with it. High performance communication involves four specific skills, plus the ability to listen without judgment for the concerns of the other person that may be hidden behind their words.
- Assume personal responsibility for your emotional reality and refrain from blame. Blame and projection will pollute the emotional climate of a partnership faster than anything.
- Take the initiative for the satisfaction of your own needs and wants and make clear requests of others that inspire their cooperation. Don’t wait for people to guess what will make you happy. Nobody likes to endure demands or covert manipulation.
- Share power rather than struggle for it. Let go of the need to be right all the time. Value others ideas and perceptions as being as valid as your own. Heal your unresolved power/authority issues from the past.
- See problems as opportunities. Every problem contains the gift of spiritual development within it. Learn to unwrap the package.
- Nurture a conscious relationship with your Soul. The more spiritually attuned you are, the more enlightened you and your relationships will be.
Can we get your quick opinion?We have just created a new video showing an overview of all the books, audios and programs in our bookstore. It’s just under 2 minutes long and is different than anything else we have done. We would appreciate you taking the time to watch it and let us know what you think and how you feel watching it. Thanks in advance for your support. Please leave your comments in the Leave a Reply section below. |
August 11th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Hi Paul and Layne
Just looked at this video now and I think it’s a really interesting idea! It’s nice and short and communicates the range of books/resources on offer. The simple style is very effective and direct.
I’m a bit unsure about the music – it sounds a little ‘spooky’ and is slightly at odds with the uplifting tone of the materials. I also wondered if a single testimonial quote for each resource might also be an inspiring addition?
These are my initial, immediate responses – hope that helps!
Lots of love, as always
Elaine
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Hi Elaine — thanks for taking the time to look at our video and offer your valuable input and ideas. They are deeply appreciated.
Can you believe you’ll be here next week? We can hardly wait!!
Love — P&L
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August 11th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Your video is many things. It is professional, very easy on the eyes and on the ears, with that very softly pleasant music playing. It moves along in an orderly fashion at a speed not so fast that it causes confusion and not so slow that it feels draggy. The message is also very clear and also, I might add, very enticing without being the least bit pushy..
In summary, it is a well planned video and the plan has been well executed.
Congratulations on a job well done.
Jerry Jellison
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
We appreciate your thoughtful feedback, Jerry. And we’re glad you like it!
P&L
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August 11th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Great article. Number 6 is my favorite but sometimes very hard to do.
Thanks and many blessings,
Geoff
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August 11th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
i didn’t like the video at all. i found the music unpleasant. it was unclear to me until midway thru how to connect the words floating thru the air with the books that suddenly popped up. i also disliked the fact that the words were slanted on the screen and if 2 lines, it seemed like the lines were not exactly straight with each other (and i’m a person who normally enjoys asymmetry). all in all, for me, highly ineffective as a marketing tool.
wish i could be enthusiastic and encouraging, but…
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
We very much appreciate your honesty and not holding back. That’s what we asked for and we need to know how people really feel about this. So, thank you, Lesley.
P&L
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August 11th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Hi
All in all, very lovely! I couldn’t get enough detail information from the book covers before they switched. Perhaps a lead-in at beginning saying we can link in at end of video for more details? I felt rushed trying to read the covers (even though I know the titles generally from enjoying reading your work for some time now, I attempted to be ‘new eyes’ seeing the video). Love the wording at the end, as well as the cue to the tabs, and the hyperlinked tabs being included. How will people be directed to the video in the future? What query? thank you for all you do – miel AZ
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August 11th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Hi Geoff,
#6 was an important one for us too, which is probalby one of the biggest reasons we created several methods to move from blame and projection to what we now call ‘radical personal responsibility.”
You will find all these methods in Track Two, “You’re Never Upset for the Reason You Think.” It’s a book and an audio program.
It includes the Conscious Upset Resolution worksheet, CURE for short, Belief Mapping, and Dialogue for Resolution and re-building trust steps (there are 8 steps).
I agree personal responsibility is one of the giant steps for all of us on our path of spiritual evolution, but it will change the world in which we live and it is worth every moment we dedicate to the practice.
The good news is the more some of us do it, the easier it gets for those who are just learning how to practice it.
With love,
Layne
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August 11th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
The music is a little too choppy for me and takes my attention away…
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August 11th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
The products all sound worthwhile, but the music was a big distraction; not at all soothing, actually irritating. I think you missed the boat on that one. Music is such an emotional medium, I would think you would want to use something that would represent expansion, not contraction; opening, expanding not shutting down.
Blessings.
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Thank you for taking the time to watch our video and share your impressions. Your honesty means a lot to us and will help us do better.
P&L
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August 12th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Hi Paul & Layne, I also found the slanted text difficult – it made me feel strange. Also, it felt a little disconnected somehow – maybe the music with one tempo & the words with another? If it wasn’t for giving you feedback, I wouldn’t have watched to the end. I prefer being able to look through things like this at my own pace – some bits I wanted to speed up a lot & others I would have liked more detail. I like to get an overview quickly & then click to get more info. & two minutes was a long time for me to wait – I would usually do it quicker then spend more time on the detail of the bits I am drawn to. I think this may suit some people, just not me, so it may be a very positive asset for certain clientele.
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 13th, 2010 at 11:07 am
Thank you, Juliet, for watching and sharing your experience of the video. We take it you didn’t see the buttons at the top of the video that can be clicked for more information about each product and a link to the web page for that product. Perhaps we need to make that more obvious for people.
Paul and Layne
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August 12th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Hi Paul and Layne,
I appreciate the concept but have to agree about the music and slanted words. I really like the idea that you’re promoting your books and resources, however, I would have liked to have seen you both somewhere in the video and perhaps have a little spoken intro to each of the titles. As there is no dialoge it heavily relies on someone being able to see and read. The images move past so quickly that it’s hard to tell which one I would particularly want to purchase if I’m someone looking for a useful relationship resource. I like the click buttons at the top of the screen, however, I didn’t realise they were there until the end of the video, when did they pop up?
I love your work and really feel that it deserves much more.
All the best for your next draft.
Much love, Maeve
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August 12th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Hi Paul and Layne,
I have been reading the comments coming in . I really don’t think most people get it. My attitude is that this is a short little promo to make us curious enough to take a serious look into what resources are available to us and that there’s something there for everyone. Hmmm…..maybe I missed the point, but I don’t think so. It’s less than 2 minutes long…..which is still plenty of time for a commercial. The main idea is….. view it and leave thinking that WOW…..Paul and Layne have a “library” of material that is worth taking a longer look at.
I’ll bet that most people had no idea of the extent of what you have produced and published. This puts that lack of understanding to rest, in my opinion. The next step is up to each of us individually . …..to check out the library and select what is most useful to me and my situation.
I am puzzled by all the concern about the music tempo, the need for more detail
(from a commercial????) etc. It’s just a lovely little promo, people !!!!!!
Regards , Jerry Jellison (my second comment)
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 13th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Hi Jerry,
Thank you for following these comments. We’re with you in the feeling that most people don’t get what it is or its purpose. You’re right, it is a short little promo to inspire enough curiosity to want to know more.
However, although we really like the “artsiness” of the piece, none of that matters if the people we are trying to reach doesn’t appreciate it or get it.
We intentionally did not inclulde any verbiage to help frame the experience for viewers to see if they notice the buttons appear (most don’t seem to notice them). This video is on our bookstore page – http://paulandlayne.com/bookstore – where there is orienting copy above the video.
None-the-less, it appears we need to re-edit the piece and try it with different music and animated features and get more feedback.
Thank you, again, for your input on this. We appreciate it and hope you will stay tuned as this evolves.
Paul and Layne
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August 13th, 2010 at 8:38 am
Overall, I think it’s effective. I’m a visual person with an eye for detail. I appreciated that I had so much to look at in the video.
There are parts of the music I really like, however the guitar strings sliding and some of the “outer space” type effects were jolting. They seemed intrusive to my experience.
What I LOVE is the opportunity to find out a little more about the books with the buttons at the end of the video. The “alt titles” for the buttons didn’t fully appear until the video came to a complete stop.
Good job!
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Paul & Layne Reply:
August 13th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Thank you for taking the time to watch our video and share your impressions. Glad you found the buttons helpful. We intentionally did not offer any written guidance to help viewers with the video to see how many noticed the buttons and clicked on them.
It seems like we need to offer some guidance for viewers in some copy above the video. And it seems like we need to rethink the music.
Your insights are very helpful.
Paul and Layne
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August 14th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
In reality, the rainbow is a circular cone with you, sun at your back, at the point and the treasure at the end of the rainbow…Beautiful picture.
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August 15th, 2010 at 8:42 am
I agree with a lot of the comments. The music was a total distraction. I did not like the flashing lights either, that distracted me also. I did notice the buttons on top that you could go to, so that part worked for me. I think the slanted stuff would work with different music. The wording wasn’t tempting enough, the font maybe too dull. When I saw the pictures I was more interested than when I saw just the wording. When appealing to a lot of different folks it can be difficult to create a great marketing tool, but your on the right track, just might have to tweak it a bit.
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October 27th, 2010 at 11:36 am
What are the 4 skills referred to in #5 of Top Ten Practices of Enlightened Relationships?
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October 29th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Hi Kim,
The 4 skills are the four different kinds of Heart to Heart Talks.
1. Discovery
2. Nurturing
3. Clearing
4. Affirming
We teach them in our book Straight from the Heart and our Heart to Heart Talks Online Training on communication. You can find out more about it here.
http://paulandlayne.com/h2h-talks-training.htm
Heart to Heart Talks are the biggest reason for our relationship success. They have gotten us through the tough times and helped us keep the love alive!
We probably should have put them at the top of the Top Ten list.
Warmest,
Layne
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