The evolutionary edge for humanity is sharing power. As a species we are gradually moving from using our power in self-centered adversarial ways to sharing our collective power for the mutual benefit of everyone concerned. We are shifting from a paradigm characterized by me or them to me and them. We are just beginning to tap into the power of co-creation.

It’s going to take more than good intentions for us to pull this one off. We are all going to have to learn to think differently, make new distinctions and include new practices in our business-as-usual routines.

We offer you the 5 C’s of co-creation to help you create a map for your exploration of this new and uncharted territory.

The 5 C’s are commitment, communication, cooperation, collaboration and coordination. If you are intending to create a future with one or more people it’s a good idea to deep the 5C’s in mind and to check in with one another periodically to see if you are taking them into consideration as you progress.

COMMITMENT – Setting your intention. What are we all committed to? Can we all state it succinctly? Does the commitment generate enthusiasm? Does it live in our everyday conversations with one another in some way? Are there any obstacles to honoring the commitment to our fullest ability? How are we dealing with those obstacles? Are we all committed to doing what is in our power to do, to have the co-creative endeavor succeed for everyone concerned?

COMMUNICATION – Creating the environment. As human beings our relationships live in language. What we talk about and how we talk about it determines the emotional climate of our relationships. Is our communication style fostering safety and creativity? Are we communicating readily, honestly, and openly? Are there things we are afraid to discuss that need to be discussed? Are there unspoken emotional undercurrents distracting our attention? Are there any recurrent communication breakdowns and is there a strategy in place so they can be avoided in the future? Does our communication include acknowledgment and gratitude? Are people making requests in order to take care of their own needs and wants? Are we giving effective feedback so we can improve as we go? Are we communicating our unified purpose to others in inspiring and enthusiastic ways?

COOPERATION – The necessary attitude. Are we cooperating? Is our cooperation motivated by an inner passion or is it being forced by fear and the need to go with the flow of others intentions? Are we able to find a common path through adversity or is it every man for him self when the going gets tough? Are there any competing egos vying for the spotlight at the expense of others? Are we clear on the benefits of cooperation in this creative endeavor? What is at risk if we don’t cooperate?

COLLABORATION – Synergizing ideas. Is there an attitude that everyone’s ideas are vital to the whole? Are we able to express our ideas freely without fear of judgment or ridicule? As a group are we asking BIG questions that bring forth the talent of everyone involved and excite our creative impulses? Are we able to engage in possibility thinking, not limited by the past or what has been? Are we skillful in bringing out the best in each other? Is the system in which we are working set up to receive the avalanche of creativity we can generate?

COORDINATION - Synchronizing action. What’s the plan? How are we coordinating our actions in effective and harmonious ways? Do we all have an overview of how all the different parts are working together? Are we clear on individual areas of responsibility and accountability? What are the consequences, if any, for failure to perform? How does time play into to it? Do we have established lines of communication? How often do we need to reevaluate the plan? How often and in what form (phone, meetings, e-mail) do we need to communicate in order to coordinate effectively?

We all play a vital part in the emerging paradigm of co-creation. Discovering our unique contribution is part of the adventure. We hope that using the 5 C’s will help you better play your part in fulfilling the promise of humanity’s evolutionary potential.

We have found it very helpful to use written agreements that clarify the foundation of the co-creative relationship. These are the ones we like to use and we offer them for your consideration.

Co-Creator Agreements

1. I agree to bring my passion and talent to our collective endeavor.
2. I agree to speak the truth with compassion.
3. I agree to listen deeply and respectfully to others.
4. I agree to be responsible for my own needs, wants and sense of being valued.
5. I agree to acknowledge others generously.
6. I will readily use our predetermined protocol for resolving upsets in a way that fosters personal responsibility and collective harmony.
7. I agree to use mistakes constructively and practice forgiveness when called for.
8. I will strive to maintain trust and affinity and restore them if they are damaged.
9. I agree to turn my complaints into requests and communicate constructively to the person who can do something about it.
10. I will refrain from negative gossip.
11. I agree to manage my agreements with others in responsible and courteous ways.
12. I agree to encourage and be encouraged in bringing out our individual genius.
13. I agree to nurture a soulful connection with my fellow co-creators.

The Ten Essential Skills for Co-Creating Conscious Completion

Completing relationships is often one of the most painful experiences of life. Because of this, people tend to avoid dealing with completion altogether. There are four ways we have observed that relationships can be completed; death, drifting apart, abrupt expulsion or ejection from the relationship and conscious completion. Sometimes completion is only about changing the form of the relationship and recreating it, not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether. A good example of this is when parents divorce; they are still responsible for co-parenting. Consequently they are remaining in relationship, albeit a different form than marriage and romance.

When people drift apart, it is often because there were things they were afraid to talk about. The cumulative effect of avoiding important conversations about difficult issues is emotional numbing and distancing. Often, the eventual outcome is drifting apart. Geographical distance can also lead to drifting apart, as well as a lack of common interests.

Sometimes, events occur in relationships that cause a sudden and abrupt end to relationships. An example of this could be a business partnership in which one partner is found committing illegal or unethical acts that compromise the life or reputation of the business and partners involved. Hurt feelings that people don’t have the skills or inclination to talk about and work through, can also lead to an abrupt ending of a relationship.

Much more rare is for relationships to be completed consciously. That is because there is some skill involved and a high level of self-awareness and compassion. We offer for your consideration the following ten essential skills for consciously completing relationships.

1. Be alert to how the completion impacts the identity concerns of everyone involved.

   Our sense of self is very much tied to our most important relationships, whether personal or business, and when an important relationship completes it can have a painful impact on our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. It can cause us to question our conception of reality and our place in it.

2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning from the relationship.

   Remember from our soul’s perspective relationships are for learning and creating. If a relationship is completing, it indicates that we have probably learned most of the lessons available for us in that relationship or new creations are calling us to a new path. Completion may be thought of as a graduation.

3. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation.

   A valuable point of view is to consider that everyone is always doing the best they can with the resources available to them – even you. Undoubtedly, if we had it to do all over again, there is almost always something we would do differently. It’s essential to conscious completion to acknowledge our mistakes. That is a part of the learning.

4. Make apologies.

   Even though we are not responsible for other peoples’ feelings, it is also true that our words and actions have impact on others. If there is any way that you have spoken or behaved that has caused others pain, it is important to know how to make sincere and effective apologies from a place of self-love and compassion for others.
   

5. Redefine your common path – Create a new form for the relationship.

   You may be moving from romantic partner to friend; or from marriage partner to parenting partner; or business partner to belonging to the same associations. The most important part in creating a new form is clarifying the purpose of the new relationship.

6. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the relationship. This requires looking at your relationship from your soul’s perspective which is beyond time and immediate circumstances. It allows you to acknowledge and appreciate how you have grown and developed in the relationship. There is a feeling of gratitude and blessing about the relationship that acts as a balm, soothing the temporary wounds of separation.
7. Know what you need to feel complete.

   Are there things you need to say or requests you need to make? Are there missing pieces of information that would help you feel complete if you had them? Do you need to offer or ask for forgiveness for anything?

8. Generate a safe space for completion conversation.

   Make sure everything that needs to be said or done for everyone to feel complete is communicated in a spirit of love and dignity. Creating this kind of atmosphere can be challenging when there are hurt feelings and unresolved misunderstanding. It can be valuable to bring in a coach to facilitate the completion conversation.

9. Allow for a healthy expression of grief, fear, anger or any other emotion.

   Learning to be present to someone else’s upset without taking it personally is a high level relationship skill, but it can be learned. It is important because the relationship won’t feel complete without the acknowledgment of important, and often powerful, feelings. You also need to love yourself enough to acknowledge and express your own feelings. Unacknowledged feelings tend to show up in other relationships, which is why this part is so important.

10. Accept and flow with change.

    This is a time for us to acknowledge that we are each the source of our own happiness. This can be an impetus for us to let go of the notion that we need a particular person to actualize our full potential for wellbeing. With every ending there are new beginnings. Trust your own Higher Self who is always guiding you to your greatest good.

What does completion feel like? How do you know when you are consciously complete in a relationship? When you can think of the other person and not have any bad feelings of regret or pain, rather you are able to feel gratitude for all that the relationship was and all that you have learned from it. Completion can feel like anything from neutral (no negative charge) to love and appreciation. Anything less is just not, well, complete.

(The following is an excerpt from our most recent paper entitled, Building BIG Dreams Together – The Seven C’s of Conscious Co-Creation)

“The path of the co-creator is to be awakened spiritually within, which then turns into your own deeper life purpose, which then makes you want to reach out and touch others in a way that expresses self and really evolves our communities and our world.”
~ Barbara Marx Hubbard

Whether we realize it or not, we all play a vital part in helping the world to be a better place. Bringing out the best in others is a learning curve for some of us. And being supported by others to bring out the best in ourselves can be challenging for many, as well.

We believe that each person has a unique contribution to bring into this world and discovering our own part is an important aspect of that adventure. We usually find our part in the human jigsaw puzzle through asking powerful sincere questions, reaching beyond what we already know by exploring new ideas and by allowing ourselves to be supported by competent coaches or mentors.

We hope that using the 7 C’s will help you build your dreams more harmoniously with others so you can succeed with greater ease, joy and fulfillment.

COMMITMENT . . . . . . . . Clarify your common intention.

COMMUNICATION . . . .  Foster an environment that supports creativity and respect.

COOPERATION . . . . . . . .  The necessary attitude. Share power for the common interest.

COLLABORATION . . . . . Synergize ideas. Honor unique competencies.

COORDINATION . . . . . . . Synchronize action. Make sure everyone is headed in the same direction.

COMMUNITY . . . . . . . . . . Create and nurture a Network of Support.

COACHING . . . . . . . . . . . . .Seek expert help where and when needed. Don’t try to do it all on your own. Great  achievers in any field have always had coaches and mentors.

We welcome your comments and questions. Click on the comment link to the upper right of this post.

This paper is available in its entirety only to those people who have joined the Relationship Savvy Circle of Support Membership Program. COMING SOON!