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Bee Love - Photo © Paul Cutright

I sat next to the bed of old man, a friend for over twenty years, and held his hand. Hal was dying. We both knew these next few days would be his last.

We spent time reminiscing about his long and fruitful career as a church pastor. We talked about old friends. We chatted about his family. And I listened as he offered sage wisdom and advice to a member of a “younger generation.”

At a lull in the conversation, Hal seemed to carefully consider what he was about to say next. Then he squeezed my hand, gazed intently into my eyes and whispered, just loud enough for me to hear, “Nothing is more important than relationships.” I knew that this was somehow near the pinnacle of his life’s learnings. As he considered all of his experiences — personal, professional, spiritual and family, this one ultimate observation surfaced above the rest: “Nothing is more important than relationships.”

“Don’t get overly caught up in your career,” he seemed to be saying to me. “Likewise, don’t use people in order to achieve your goals, then throw them away. No project, no program, no task should be pursued at the expense of friends and family. Remember,” I heard him saying, as clearly as if he were speaking the words, “that in the end, only your relationships will truly matter. Tend them well.”

Writer Og Mandino puts it this way: “Beginning today,” he said, “treat everyone you meet as if he or she were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do so with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

At the end of a long life, my friend Hal would have agreed.

 Copyright  © Steve Goodier

On a random Saturday morning at Greenacres Shopping Centre in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, the international award-winning Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University Choir delights unsuspecting shoppers and passers-by with an impromptu practised routine which includes a number of popular songs. The flash mob is part of an awareness campaign to get students to apply to study at NMMU, one of South Africa’s leading tertiary education institutions.

We have certainly experienced a tremendous amount of love and support since Paul’s “heart episode” last month. Most of it has come in the form of e-mails, cards and phone calls. Some of it by local friends chaufferring Paul to various medical appointments.  And some of it even in the form of unexpected material assistance from tequila to checks! (The tequila was actually prescribed by Paul’s surgeon.)

Learning to ask for help has been a life-long process for both of us. We like to think we are better at it now, although there was not as much asking on our part recently as there was simply the spontaneous generosity of giving by people who love and care about us. We learned how much of a gift it can be to others to ALLOW them to give of themselves out of their own areas of abundance.

Below is a piece by Steve Goodier about giving and receiving help that seemed relevent. We hope you enjoy it.

Some people never need help. One man caught his foot in railroad tracks. He tried to pull it out, but his efforts only seemed to make matters worse.

He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. In a panic he prayed, “Dear God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I’ll stop my heavy drinking and smoking!”

Nothing happened. He was still stuck, and the train showed no sign of slowing.

So he prayed again, “Oh, Lord, please get my foot out and I’ll stop drinking and smoking and carousing and cussing!”

Still nothing. He tugged and pulled as the train bore down. In sheer desperation, he pled for help a final time. “Lord, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I’ll do anything! I’ll … I’ll … I’ll become a minister!

Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he got up and dusted himself off as the train whizzed by. Then he looked toward Heaven and said, “Never, mind, Lord, I got it out myself.”

Some people seemingly never need help from anyone. They rarely call on friends or even family to lend a hand. They seldom, if ever, confide in a good listener. They seem to believe they should be completely self sufficient; that needing assistance is an unwelcome weakness.

But others find great value in occasionally asking for assistance, and in offering it, too. Needing help, even once in a while, reminds them that they were not meant to journey this life alone. It is a group outing, not a private experience.

Those who find help when they need it are fortunate. But those who give help generously are the most fortunate of all. Few experiences can produce a sense of joy and satisfaction like that of truly easing the burden of another human being, with no thought of return. Fact is… when we help someone else, we can hardly help but be happy. At those magical times we may wonder who really helped whom!

Copyright  © Steve Goodier

It has been five weeks today since my open heart surgery. I’m supposed to be walking 1.5 miles per day now to strengthen my heart and expand my lung capacity. We usually just walk around our neighborhood  in the cool of the early evening.  This morning Layne and I went up on the mountain for a walk in the woods, at about 8,000+ feet where I could definitely feel the increase in altitude from our normal 7,000 feet. My heart is healing and getting stronger.

One of the most remarkable and touching things about this experience has been the number of people from our past who have contacted us with their love and healing wishes. Many of them people who have been very important and instrumental in our lives that we have not been in touch with for more than 25 years. Yet, the felt presence of love in these communications was palpable and moving. What a gift!

The experience reminded us of the following anonymous piece of wisdom that we want to share with you.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Choices are not always “either/or”, sometimes they are “both/and”. It often takes great wisdom and lots of experience to be impeccably discerning.

Following on last post we were reminded of this set of distinctions written by a friend and colleague back in 1980. Perhaps they are relevant and worthy of reflection today as we go through any kind of life changes or upheaval. We hope you find them thought provoking and helpful in some way.

And thank you, one and all, who took your precious time to respond with such love, wisdom and care to our last post. We were overwhelmed with such a generous and thoughtful outpouring of love, care and support. Our hearts are full and that, in itself, is healing.

On a side note, we would have certainly responded to as many of your individual posts as we could, but our site and blog crashed shortly after that post. That’s also the reason for the long delay in this current piece being posted. As of a few days ago it’s back up and working as it should.

As always, your thoughts, comments and questions are welcome.

Balances to Be Mastered

To talk……………………………………….To be silent

To follow……………………………………To lead

To accept what is………………………..To create what you want

To take good care of others………….To take good care of yourself

To accept feedback………………………To resist influence of others

To be receptive……………………………To discriminate

To be open………………………………….To protect yourself

To motivate yourself…………………….To stop and rest

To be social………………………………….To be joyfully alone

To be serious………………………………..To let go and have fun

To express yourself fully………………..To control yourself

To create the best for yourself…………To be content with what you have

To work………………………………………..To relax and play

To help others……………………………….To ask for help

To be free………………………………………To be loyal

To push yourself…………………………….To know your own rhythm

To pursue and go after…………………….To pause and wait

To be independent………………………….To be interdependent

To enjoy eating……………………………….To enjoy fasting

To be open-minded………………………….To stand up for what you believe is  right

To give……………………………………………To take

To be still………………………………………..To take action

To be cautious…………………………………To take risks

To be consistently loving………………….To be detached and impersonal

To be self-confident…………………………To be humble

To be courageous…………………………….To be meek

To be a “do-er”………………………………..To just “be”

To attune yourself to others……………..To be aware of your own needs

To love…………………………………………..To be loved

To say “yes”…………………………………….To say “no”

To hold back…………………………………..To be spontaneous

To assert your own needs…………………To surrender to what is best to create synergy with others

To be seen………………………………………To be incognito and invisible

To be acknowledged………………………..To do service incognito

(c) 1980 - Pamela Whitney