Cupid Lives at Our House


Layne & Paul in Namale, Fiji

Layne & Paul in Namale, Fiji

While we were safely tucked inside our chrysalis we found access to a spiritual presence of wisdom, knowledge and peace that guides us to this day. As we communed with this presence we learned many new things.

We can share a few here now. For one, without our knowing it our egos had extended themselves to include our students, and we unconsciously had been attaching a meaning about ourselves, relative to how quickly or deftly our students responded to our work. In other words, we had been unconsciously “proving our value” with our students. It’s hard to be unattached to the results when that link is there.

 Now, we strive to remember that our value as teachers and contributors to life is not something we need to prove to ourselves. We are free to allow our students to learn from their own choices without any attachment. Well, maybe a little attachment – – some of the time. Remember, we’re not perfect. We still like it best when we can facilitate those one minute miracles.

We learned that we can’t use our own will to push a student’s process. If we do, the changes are temporary and what we had thought was integrated transformation was not. We now believe that this kind of false responsibility is at the root of many spiritual teachers’ abuse of power. Hopefully as teachers, we can invite or inspire, but we can’t force the change.

We learned one of the shadow sides of community is peer pressure and a desire to be close to the people in power. These aspects were unintentionally brought to the mix of our success and we didn’t want to bring them into our future. In a way, they had become an accelerant that temporarily moved people, but didn’t truly illuminate their Being. “Let the teachings do their work and allow each student to grow at the pace they set,” was our new standard.

We learned to temper the ambition of our youth with more patience and compassion for ourselves and others.

We learned the skill set required to observe one’s own projections is essential to a wisdom culture.  Projection is when we see in others what we don’t want to see in ourselves. Teachers do it. Students do it. Groups do it.  People we think should be nominated for sainthood do it.

As far as we can tell, no one is immune from the insidious delusions of the ego, because the ego is so clever at masking itself in spiritual garb. We can learn to observe how our ego brings its own personal needs to various relationships, but when we think we are beyond all that – we are most likely being seduced by our “spiritualized ego.”

We learned we had underestimated the transforming power of our relationship itself. As much as we feel we are ordinary people, doing the best we can to learn and understand how life works, our relationship itself is quite extraordinary.

Without any false modesty, our relationship is a carrier wave of a new frequency of romantic love, a love that doesn’t compete for power, or needs to make oneself less so the other can be more, but a romantic relationship that shares power equally.

We think it is part of what explains a peculiar phenomena in our lives. It would appear that cupid lives at our house. At least, he spends so much time here he should have his own toothbrush in the medicine cabinet! We can’t count the number of couples who have met and fallen in love in our living room.

For example, we had gone to a financial planner for a consultation and she asked us some tough questions.  We (Paul and Layne) had a disagreement right there in her office because we had different priorities. We discussed things as we normally would, asking deep questions and listening to one another with quiet minds and worked the whole thing out in a couple of minutes.

We turned again to face the consultant, who sat there with her jaw dropped, “I have never seen any couple do what you just did. I am used to couples arguing in my consultations, but I have never seen the magic you just did with one another.” Later, when we started teaching again she was one of the first to enroll. She met her future life partner in our living room and they are still together.

The same thing happened with Paul’s boss at an international outplacement firm. Paul had been hired to help open an office in San Diego. As it happened Jan, the VP for the project, had heard of us before, because she had been through The Loving Relationships Training some years prior. As Paul’s role with the project drew to completion, she asked us if we would consider creating a new relationships course.

When we asked her why, she said she wanted to know how to create a relationship like ours! She wanted to be in a loving, caring relationship with a man whom she might marry.

After having been through trials that could have devastated our relationship, it was not only intact; it was flourishing and stronger than ever. We may not have been as certain about how “the great divine” worked, but we certainly had grown in our understanding about how love worked.

Through our difficult undoing, our attunement to Love made it possible for us to understand, forgive and care for one another. There were times, even when we were being evicted because we couldn’t pay the rent, or our house was robbed the month after we failed to make our insurance payment, or whatever allowed us to hold our heads up high was lost to us for awhile, that the pink corridor of light that gave birth to our relationship would visit us again. (pink corridor of light)

Even when we were in the green slime stage, the cradle of Love that held us in our chrysalis still knew who we were becoming. And she would visit to remind us, “All this shall pass, but your love will be eternal.”

And in that moment, we could feel Love and the cares of the world would evaporate like mists in the sunlight. The great elixir of life was poured out and we were renewed and made strong for the rest of our journey.

After Jan’s request, we got busy writing a course that we taught in the living room of our little tract house in Rancho Bernardo, CA one evening a week over eight weeks. Jan and about seven or eight others were in the course, including the man who eventually became Jan’s husband! Cupid was at it again.

Little did we know that these were the seeds from which would grow the next era of our work, the Heart to Heart Community in San Diego and The Secrets for Successful Relationships teaching.

We had emerged from our chamber of transformation as relationship educators. Though our work with people has a spiritual tenor to it, our spiritual understandings are more in the background than the foreground of our work.

We continue to be students of Love and to share whatever we learn is one of our greatest delights.


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