Did you know that relationships live in patterns of familiar feelings that are unobserved? Most people don’t. You won’t neutralize these limiting patterns unless you stop judging feelings as good or bad and start looking at what they are trying to teach you. When you act blindly out of your feelings, you can limit and even damage your relationships. But, your feelings can be your greatest teachers if you will listen to them.
You can seize healing opportunities by paying attention to your feelings, discovering where they are coming from. This eases the way for deeper integration of your spiritual nature. This moves you to embodying higher spiritual truths rather than living in empty concepts about them.
Perhaps you need to acknowledge what you are really feeling mad or sad about. It is usually deeper than the obvious and being able to be fully present to your feelings without judging those feelings opens the door to your own deep self-awareness. This attentiveness to your deeper emotional landscape is part of re-claiming emotional health and well-being. You must also be able to let the emotional energy move through and out of you without judging it.
Find a way to express yourself in a way that doesn’t hurt others and gives you the chance to fully purge the emotion. Find a healthy balance that actually clears the feeling from your energy body. Getting into your head about your feelings usually doesn’t produce fullness of emotional healing. Most of the time you’ve got to feel to heal.
Here’s an idea, you might keep some old dishes safely taped up in a cardboard box that you can throw around in the garage in a creative tantrum. (One of our clients said there was no greater satisfaction for her when she got mad. She made a trip to the second hand store to get her supplies). Or you may need to cry or scream into a pillow or just have a “conscious pout” for a while.
This means that when you get upset, you look more deeply, rather than deftly suppressing it, only to have it resurface under new circumstances. Let’s say someone was going to do the dishes but didn’t, and you’re peeved. Maybe it’s really resentment that he or she isn’t spending much time at home. Maybe you were brought up in a house where the kitchen was always a mess and you were embarrassed about that. Who knows? Only you do.
You’ve probably heard that what you resist persists, so allow yourself to feel your feelings without judging them, to honor whatever emotion is there in a safe and healing way. Keep in mind, there are steps to honoring/mastering your feelings:
- Give yourself permission to have these feelings.
- Recognize what they are, name them.
- Fully feel them. Breathe deeply into them.
- Determine the appropriate level of expression.
- If the feelings come from a memory, look to see if there’s another way to view the painful incident. Is it possible that the meaning you have attached to it is not the highest thought? Look for a higher-self interpretation. Often the gift in our pain is wisdom.
- Take responsibility for your feelings and get the lessons they hold so you can move to a higher level of awareness.
The long term effect of emotional healing is that unresolved historical feelings don’t intrude and keep recycling in your current relationships. You no longer have this big reservoir of feelings in your heart and belly, looking for new evidence to justify their existence.
Emotional healing gives you the freedom to be happy with yourself and others more and more of the time, making your relationships an oasis of love, peace and fulfillment. You will feel more alive and find a greater happiness naturally bubbling up from your deeper spiritual nature, infusing you and your relationships.
For us, choosing to use our relationships for our personal development and conscious evolution required us to heal our emotional body. We committed ourselves to the process with great gusto! We learned to trust that underneath all pain, fear, judgment and anger burned the eternal flame of spiritual love. Doing our own personal work led us into a profound understanding there is no wisdom in suppressing our feelings.
We are committed to helping others with relationship challenges to gain relational maturity, so they can enjoy harmonious, co-creative relationships bursting with trust, fulfillment and a compelling vision for their shared future. We hope you will join us for the journey.
Please share your thoughts, feelings and impressions about what we have said here. What was new or validated for you? Thanks for spending your valuable time with us, Paul & Layne