How to Complete Relationships Consciously


The Ten Essential Skills for Co-Creating Conscious Completion

Completing relationships is often one of the most painful experiences of life. Because of this, people tend to avoid dealing with completion altogether. There are four ways we have observed that relationships can be completed; death, drifting apart, abrupt expulsion or ejection from the relationship and conscious completion. Sometimes completion is only about changing the form of the relationship and recreating it, not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether. A good example of this is when parents divorce; they are still responsible for co-parenting. Consequently they are remaining in relationship, albeit a different form than marriage and romance.

When people drift apart, it is often because there were things they were afraid to talk about. The cumulative effect of avoiding important conversations about difficult issues is emotional numbing and distancing. Often, the eventual outcome is drifting apart. Geographical distance can also lead to drifting apart, as well as a lack of common interests.

Sometimes, events occur in relationships that cause a sudden and abrupt end to relationships. An example of this could be a business partnership in which one partner is found committing illegal or unethical acts that compromise the life or reputation of the business and partners involved. Hurt feelings that people don’t have the skills or inclination to talk about and work through, can also lead to an abrupt ending of a relationship.

Much more rare is for relationships to be completed consciously. That is because there is some skill involved and a high level of self-awareness and compassion. We offer for your consideration the following ten essential skills for consciously completing relationships.

  1. Be alert to how the completion impacts the identity concerns of everyone involved.

    Our sense of self is very much tied to our most important relationships, whether personal or business, and when an important relationship completes it can have a painful impact on our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. It can cause us to question our conception of reality and our place in it.

  2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning from the relationship.

    Remember from our soul’s perspective relationships are for learning and creating. If a relationship is completing, it indicates that we have probably learned most of the lessons available for us in that relationship or new creations are calling us to a new path. Completion may be thought of as a graduation.

  3. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation.

    A valuable point of view is to consider that everyone is always doing the best they can with the resources available to them – even you. Undoubtedly, if we had it to do all over again, there is almost always something we would do differently. It’s essential to conscious completion to acknowledge our mistakes. That is a part of the learning.

  4. Make apologies.

    Even though we are not responsible for other peoples’ feelings, it is also true that our words and actions have impact on others. If there is any way that you have spoken or behaved that has caused others pain, it is important to know how to make sincere and effective apologies from a place of self-love and compassion for others.

  5. Redefine your common path – Create a new form for the relationship.

    You may be moving from romantic partner to friend; or from marriage partner to parenting partner; or business partner to belonging to the same associations. The most important part in creating a new form is clarifying the purpose of the new relationship.

  6. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the relationship. This requires looking at your relationship from your soul’s perspective which is beyond time and immediate circumstances. It allows you to acknowledge and appreciate how you have grown and developed in the relationship. There is a feeling of gratitude and blessing about the relationship that acts as a balm, soothing the temporary wounds of separation.
  7. Know what you need to feel complete.

    Are there things you need to say or requests you need to make? Are there missing pieces of information that would help you feel complete if you had them? Do you need to offer or ask for forgiveness for anything?

  8. Generate a safe space for completion conversation.

    Make sure everything that needs to be said or done for everyone to feel complete is communicated in a spirit of love and dignity. Creating this kind of atmosphere can be challenging when there are hurt feelings and unresolved misunderstanding. It can be valuable to bring in a coach to facilitate the completion conversation.

  9. Allow for a healthy expression of grief, fear, anger or any other emotion.

    Learning to be present to someone else’s upset without taking it personally is a high level relationship skill, but it can be learned. It is important because the relationship won’t feel complete without the acknowledgment of important, and often powerful, feelings. You also need to love yourself enough to acknowledge and express your own feelings. Unacknowledged feelings tend to show up in other relationships, which is why this part is so important.

  10. Accept and flow with change.

    This is a time for us to acknowledge that we are each the source of our own happiness. This can be an impetus for us to let go of the notion that we need a particular person to actualize our full potential for wellbeing. With every ending there are new beginnings. Trust your own Higher Self who is always guiding you to your greatest good.

What does completion feel like? How do you know when you are consciously complete in a relationship? When you can think of the other person and not have any bad feelings of regret or pain, rather you are able to feel gratitude for all that the relationship was and all that you have learned from it. Completion can feel like anything from neutral (no negative charge) to love and appreciation. Anything less is just not, well, complete.


15 responses to “How to Complete Relationships Consciously”

  1. Hi- thank you for this post. I am meeting someone on 13th with who I intend to complete the relationship we shared – and this info is really helpful to bring clarity on how I could go about it… I loved the part about doing it without affecting the dignity and self respect of all concerned… I hope I can do justice to that.
    Thanks a ton- Love- Girija

    • You are so welcome, Girija. We’re glad to know this post is immediately helpful for you. If your intention is to preserve the dignity and respect of all concerned in the completion conversation and process, you will most likely achieve it – especially if you follow the recommendations in this post.

      Let us know how it turns out.

      Paul and Layne

  2. Wow! The process you were describing here has been happening in my life, but I didn’t know it had a name. Thanks so much for sharing this info. I plan to get some coaching from you in the near future. Glad to know there’s someone who can help that I have confidence in.

    Charlotte

    • We are glad this post is helpful for you, Charlotte. We look forward to hearing from you when you’re ready for some coaching. We’re glad you have confidence in us because we really can helpf you.

      Paul and Layne

  3. Wow, I don’t think I have ever had a past relationship that was completed. How do I resolve this and make it a natural process?

    • Thanks for a great question, Tom. The first thing you might want to do is get our Five Stages of Relationships Self-Assessment. The fifth stage is completion and for each stage there are about 20 discrete skills for successfully and consciously navigating each stage.

      Seeing what skills you already have and which ones you may wish to learn makes clear what you can focus on learning to become better equipped to do better in your relationships.

      Not only can you learn to navigate the completion stage of relationships successfully, you can also resolve any past relationships that are still incomplete for you.

      Paul and Layne

  4. There is a parting I like to call “fading away.” often during times of rapid personal growth others who live at our former vibrational level gradually become “invisible” to us and we to them. I see this often when someone cleans up from an addiction.

    It’s not good or bad; it’s just life.

    • What you describe, Neill, is true in our experience, also. This kind of parting in a relationship also occurs when people are working on their consciousness while involved in personag growth and/or spiritual work.

      Anything that alters a persons vibratory frequency often results in some people disappearing from their life who are no longer a frequency match and new people coming in who resonate with the new frequency.

      And you’re right, it’s neither good nor bad, that’s just how it is.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment.

      Paul and Layne

  5. I was about to delete this email but changed my mind just in time. I know I must move on and just get over it already. It may be faster to heal a broken bone then heart. I know I just have to move on.

    • We’re glad you spoke up, Deb. Do you know about Meridian Tapping for helping to heal emotional pain? Also known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)? We use it all the time to help our clients. It works.

      Let us know if we can help . . .

      Paul and Layne

  6. Hi guys, We’re not in touch much but you are both always in my heart. My 70th birthday coming up this Sunday and my Red Tent women have prepared a lovely celebration for me that I know nothing about. What do I know so far about being 70? That I don’t want to do anything I don’t wantto do and what’s more…….. I can’t push myself anymore. Just doesn’t happen. So, I’m teaching just one circle a week, seeing clients some times, doing yoga. A very big event in my life!

    Thanks for this good document. Just perfect. xoxoxox

    Dennie

  7. This blog is so timely. I just “finished” a relationship with both my hairdresser of many, many years. I knew that the time had come for me to move on; my needs were not being met. I love this person, and we had some really special moments in our relationship. I shared with her that I would miss her, that I thought she was a lovely person, and I knew she was entering into a great new phase in her life. I did feel some sadness, but I also knew that it was the right time for me to make changes in my own life. I’ve experienced a small amount of emotional upheaval in the process of finding new personal service personnel, but it’s also an adventure. I made no apologies for finishing the professional relationship, and quite possibly we’ll meet for lunch and check in on occasion. I was clearly aware that I had grown beyond our current relationship. Thanks for the article. I especially love the part where you mention the soul’s role in moving us along our path of growth and development. Thank–you, Kt

    • Thank you, Katy – we’re glad to know this article was timely and helpful for you. What you share beautifully illustrates that completion can occur in any kind of relationship, not just romantic or personal, which is what comes to mind for most people.

      It sounds like you negotiated a harmonious completion with your hairdresser in such a way that you will remain in contact with each other. Congratulations!

      Paul and Layne

  8. Layne and Paul, This is excellent information that we’d all do well to integrate into both personal and professional relationships. Thanks for writing it so beautifully.

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