Paul and Layne

Power Struggle – Cooperation Self-Assessment

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Power Struggle
This is the stage where people start testing each other. It is one of the most difficult stages for people. Who is going to get whose way and how? Distrust from your unresolved past manifests, there is often a fear of loss of control and heavy judgments of the other person start to show up. Many relationships never move beyond this stage and many end here. This stage is really about building trust.
Essential Skills for Success in Power Struggle
1. I know and can identify my feelings.:*
- A
- B
2. I speak congruently with my emotions.:*
- A
- B
3. I communicate without blame.:*
- A
- B
4. I am self-reflective – I observe my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without judgment.:*
- A
- B
5. I take responsibility for my mistakes without self-invalidation.:*
- A
- B
6. I can observe my automatic interpretations of others and events.:*
- A
- B
7. I can be present to someone else’s upset without defense*
- A
- B
8. I know and can articulate my requirements for trust.:*
- A
- B
9. I am willing and able to restore trust when broken.:*
- A
- B
10. I know how to use current upsets to resolve my past.:*
- A
- B
11. I can and do ask for help.:*
- A
- B
12. I can and do forgive myself and others.:*
- A
- B

13. I am able to make correction without self-invalidation.:*
- A
- B
14. I avoid controlling others or making their choices for them.:*
- A
- B
15. I don’t sacrifice by saying yes when I feel no, yet I practice generosity from my heart.:*
- A
- B
16. I practice spiritual attunement to find the highest path.:*
- A
- B
17. I take the initiative – I am responsible for my own needs.:*
- A
- B
18. I turn my complaints into requests.:*
- A
- B
19. I can be clear-headed and rational while feeling intense feelings or while in the presence of others’ intense feelings.:*
- A
- B
20. I am able to control my temper.:*
- A
- B
Avoid
1. Giving ultimatums – I do not manipulate others but seek to inspire cooperation instead.:*
- A
- B
2. Blaming others – I am able to take responsibility for my part whether others do or not.:*
- A
- B
3. Gossiping, participating in gossip – I speak well of others or say nothing.:*
- A
- B
4. Saying things I’ll regret – I don’t let my mouth get ahead of my good judgment.:*
- A
- B
Power Struggle – Total A – NOTE: ADD ALL "A" RESPONSES AND ENTER HERE
Power Struggle – Total B – NOTE: ADD ALL "B" RESPONSES AND ENTER HERE

Cooperation Stage
This is the stage where you learn to trust one another and to resolve upsets to your mutual satisfaction and benefit. You learn to share power and appreciate each other’s unique abilities and gifts. However, it is still self-oriented: “What can I get out of this relationship?” rather than “What can we create with this relationship?” Beware of false cooperation in which one person acquiesces to the other in order to “keep the peace.” This is still power struggle, only in a more subtle form.
Essential Skills for Success in Cooperation
1. I know and can articulate the essence of my desires.:*
- A
- B
2. I can easily feel and express compassion.:*
- A
- B
3. I can read others’ emotions.:*
- A
- B
4. I can assess trustworthiness in others and assume trust rather than suspicion.:*
- A
- B
5. I can inspire high levels of trust from others.:*
- A
- B
6. I care deeply about others.:*
- A
- B
7. I feel connected with others.:*
- A
- B
8. I can generate enthusiasm within myself.:*
- A
- B
9. I can articulate our mutual and separate interests and accountabilities.:*
- A
- B
10. I know and can articulate how others affect me (e.g., their losing/winning, problems/thriving).:*
- A
- B
11. I can make choices for long-term gain and overcome the need for instant gratification.:*
- A
- B
12. I am competent with creation techniques (e.g., visualization, affirmations, goal setting, etc.).:*
- A
- B
13. I know and can articulate my changing conditions for satisfaction.:*
- A
- B

14. I can effectively neutralize unhealthy competition while inspiring cooperation.:*
- A
- B
15. I can articulate a “higher path,” especially during stress.:*
- A
- B
16. I can be diplomatic and cordial even when worried, upset, and during stress.:*
- A
- B
Speech acts to learn and master:
1. Making promises – I only make promises I intend to keep.:*
- A
- B
2. Making apologies – I know when to apologize and am comfortable doing so.:*
- A
- B
3. Verification – I verify secondhand information with the source.:*
- A
- B
4. Speculation and possibility – I can brainstorm freely with others.:*
- A
- B
5. Planning and design – I can strategize easily with others.:*
- A
- B
6. Commitment and action – I can create clear agreements for action.:*
- A
- B
Avoid:
1. Making assumptions – I respond rather than react and I ask questions to verify.:*
- A
- B
2. Sacrifice (it always leads to resentment) – I avoid saying yes when I really feel no.:*
- A
- B
3. Withholding important communication out of fear – I am a well-intended truth teller.:*
- A
- B
Cooperation – Total A – NOTE: ADD ALL "A" RESPONSES AND ENTER HERE
Cooperation – Total B – NOTE: ADD ALL "B" RESPONSES AND ENTER HERE
Summary:
Power Struggle and Cooperation

The five most important things I want to remember from this assessment are:
Power Struggle*
Cooperation*
How did you hear about Paul and Layne?*
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