A Trustworthy Man – Part 2

Being a Man a Woman Can Trust

If you have not yet read Part 1 of this post, you can read it here.

From my spiritual studies I had an idealized vision of who I could be, but I didn’t really know the practical steps to get me there. And I was beginning to wonder if it was even possible for me. Now, with the help of my mentors and the emotional healing work I was doing to clear my deepest fears and inadequacies, I saw very clearly who I could become; and most importantly, how.

It was around this time that I met Layne. She worked in the office at the center where I was being trained by my mentors. We had a friendly, cordial relationship until one day something happened. Out of the blue, in the presence of a half-dozen people, we had a shared mystical experience of mutual soul recognition. It was a timeless experience, absolutely unlike anything either of us had ever experienced before.

As our relationship grew, I learned that Layne had her own trust issues with men. She had been betrayed and hurt by men many times in her life. It was only a matter of time before those fears would manifest as suspicions in her relationship with me. And they did. There was an evening when we were gazing into each other’s eyes, both feeling deeply in love. I was swept away in a tidal wave of love for her. Then I said things I had never heard myself say to anyone.  (And if I had said anything like this, I don't think I would have believed it myself.)

I said, “I love you. I will always love you. I will be with you forever.”

I had never experienced love like that before. It was profoundly beautiful and tender. We were both surrendering to a sublime moment. And then it went weird. Layne started to cry.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I don’t believe you. I want to believe you, but I can’t.” She was fierce. I was taken aback. Clearly, something had triggered her. To my surprise, I remained calm and centered as I was able to be present to the intensity of her feelings with curiosity and compassion. I had NEVER been able to do anything like that before. Like most men, the intensity of female emotion, especially anger, was terrifying.

“You say that now, but you can’t make promises about the future. You want it to be true, but something will happen and you’ll leave.”

She was now sobbing in my arms. All I knew to do was to hold her. I was praying to find the right words to say, nothing came. I just held her and rocked her and then I heard myself say, “Layne, this is not the past. This is me – now. I love you. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not those other men who left you. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. You can trust me.”

Somehow this 'new me’ was responding without fear and it opened the door for something new to happen. I felt something shift deep inside me. It was like all my spiritual concepts of loving and being loved fell from my head into my heart. I was actually able to trust myself to be the kind of man I had long envisioned myself becoming.

That was a pivotal moment for both of us. I was so grateful that I had done the deeper work on myself. I was surprised to discover that I was emotionally prepared for what had just happened. Even a year before I could never have been there for her when she most needed to learn how to trust a man. And I had crossed the threshold into a new state of being trustworthy.

After that night we began, in earnest, to find any hidden barriers that could block us from deepening our trust and expanding our love. We had no idea that it would lead us to new careers as relationship teachers. Because we learned how to transform our personal suffering into relationship wisdom, we have attracted thousands of students who have trusted us to teach them what we have learned. Layne and I have now been together for 40 years.

People are always asking us what tip or technique has been the most helpful to us. The answer is too complex for one tip or one technique, which often tend to simply be Band-Aids. But, one thing I know for sure is this; if I hadn’t learned how to face my own fears around love and power I wouldn’t have learned how to be the kind of man a woman can trust.

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